Age 6- for Koka (Grandpa)

September, 1993.

There was a hustle in our home. Grandpa(Koka) was not well. All my uncles and aunts and my cousins were tense and worried. I was just six years old - nobody told me what was wrong. I just knew Koka was sick. I was in oblivion of the magnitude of his illness.

September 13.

I was with my brother in school waiting for Dad to come and pick us up. We waited for quite sometime before we saw "Mintu" Aita coming towards us. Aita is how we refer to grandma. As for the "Mintu" part - I shall be explaining in the upcoming blogs.

I knew something was wrong seeing the grim expression on her face. Rishi (my elder bro) was already losing his grip on himself. He was asking Aita whether Koka was allright, I remember Aita just remaining mum and telling us to be patient.

The sight of Ranjit peha (my uncle) trying hard to fight back tears as we got down from the rickety rickshaw was shocking. I had never experienced something like that before. We were guided in to a mass of mourning people. People who I loved, who loved me - I couldn't register in my mind about what had gone wrong. Ma took me to Koka's room - He was covered with a white cloth upto his neck. Aita was crying. Some people were hysterical, others trying to lessen the sorrow by weeping quitely. I was not quite sure about what to do. Ma told me to pray for Koka, so I prayed.

After sometime, I saw Rishi crying and crying in Ma's shoulders. I wondered why. I still remember asking with curiousity - "Why is everyone crying, Rishi.....???" He told me Koka was no more. I asked him what that meant. He said Koka was going to a place from where He couldn't come back. I didn't ask anything more. I wandered about in the house not knowing what to think. To tell you the truth, I actually did not feel bad because I thought ...." Whats the matter if Koka doesnt come back...we can always go there...isnt it...???"..Koka used to tease me for being very thin - I thought I would show him my muscles whenever I go to the place where He had gone to...

The following days saw everyone coming together like never before. There were a flurry of guests. School was forgotten much to my happiness. I felt as if it was a party going on.

Now, when I think of it, I feel guilty at times for not feeling sad at the time when I should have. I really love Koka. He likes to read report cards and is very enthusiastic about sports. You must be thinking why I am using present tense. This is because I still prefer to think of him as gone to someplace far, a place where I will meet him oneday for sure. And mind it, the fact that I love my Grandpa will never be in past tense.

Some years later, Dad put a name plate on our verandah. Koka's name plate still remains. I wonder when I will be qualified enough to put my name plate too. But I know one thing for sure- no matter how many degrees I get in future, Koka -Mr. RamPrasanna Das, MA, LLB will still be heading our Japorigog home.

Last november, my Aita also left to where Koka had gone 14 years before. I wept in my hostel room for the whole night. In the morning, there were no more tears - because I decided to change the perception of the whole matter. It was still so comforting to think of Aita gone to some place far away. It is as if she is in Australia or maybe somewhere in Venus. And I and all our relatives, will go there one day and there will be a big celebration when we all reach!

Dad explains it- short and simple... The show must go on.

What do you think?